Hi everyone! Hope you’re having a wonderful day. I am sorry I haven’t been posting as often (not that it hasn’t been that long), but I have been auditioning a lot more and that’s taking a lot more of my time, which is really really a wonderful thing. I have a manager who has been very great to me in getting me out there in the rooms that I have been dying to get into and each time I find myself auditioning, I am grateful for her.
Last month, I shot my very first commercial, woo-hoo! and this month; I’d like to announce that I booked my next big project!!!! shooting in April in Virginia. OMG, It’s going to be the very first time I travel alone to another state without family! I’m so excited about this, it’s certainly helped me reach another level of independence. I know its next month, but I have already looked at places in AirBnB and travel expenses and food expenses, and now I’m just waiting to receive a call-sheet (which is basically a schedule of my the time I’m supposed to start shooting and the exact location) to book EVERYTHING, from bus tickets to the room I’ll stay in.
In retrospect, I have realize what such a SLOW process it’s been. I have really started from the bottom, no background in this field, no family in it to tell me the ins and out. I began going to auditions at sixteen and I remember I would come into the room trembling, my words would come out of my body, broken, shaking, I couldn’t breath in the room. My only thoughts were, “gosh I really want them to like me so much, I hope they do, please let them like me.” but of course, not receiving a call me would make me feel like a total failure, It always left me feeling like I didn’t belong to live in this world.
Now I walk into a room like I own the place, sometimes and I can breath and be myself and actually have a conversation with the casting director. It’s incredible, I let the auditions go the minute I walk out of the audition itself, it’s so liberating; it’s like, I accept I might not get this job, and it’s totally okay.
and I’ve stuck with it, even after suffering from depression, still getting anxiety, almost killing myself, I have stuck with it; not knowing why. it’s certainly brought me a lot of pain in the beginning. people really disliked me for choosing acting, people made fun of me, people stopped talking to me, I really lost what I thought was my world when I began to choose this career professionally.
Now, I’ve realized I began to let go of what kept me down and made me worse. It was a struggle because I didn’t realize, at the time, of the good that was going to come. When I chose acting, I began to choose myself, find myself and what makes me happy. I have said it numerous times in a couple of my posts that choosing acting was the best thing that ever happened to me and I really still believe that. I always felt like I didn’t belong, but going to acting school introduced me a lot of people who were a lot like me! they liked what I liked and thought how I thought, a lot of them were also lefties; it was amazing.
When I wasn’t acting or am not acting, or am surrounded by artists, these are the type of people who are around me: lazy conformists, who love to do nothing but binge watch Netflix all day long. Don’t enjoy learning anything new and find individuality to be wrong. They find me strange and to them, being strange was completely wrong. they’re the ones who are empty and spend the money they get on expensive clothing to show it off on Instagram. These are sad people who try to seek outside validation without realizing they can find it in themselves.
they’re sad and ignorant and I try not to get involve with them, even if it means being alone.
Now, when I’m surrounded by artists: I feel like I don’t have to hide who I am, they’re as open-minded as I am and like people who accept their own individual. It’s like they’re completely aware not everyone is created equal and they accept that as they meet people. They don’t force people into being anybody they don’t want to be and I love that.
Now, i’m not saying there’s something wrong with people who aren’t artists. All I am saying is there is something wrong when I don’t feel completely like myself in a situation or with someone I’m associating with; and whenever I feel that way; it’s just bad, absolutely bad.
Thank you so much for reading, I really appreciate you taking the time to read this post. I have faith that my acting will get better and better, slowly but surely. I began with nothing, then background acting, then student films, then shorts, then off broadway plays, I went to school and studied acting, and then worked to get a manager and now I’m in commercials!
When you work towards a goal, you will certainly achieve things if you don’t give up.
I’m an actress in pursuit of happiness and finding my truth. Through my writing I am able to release my thinking without being judged or having the need to impress people in this crazy world we’re living in. I hope that through my experience I inspire you to find your truth and version of happiness.