I have decided to make a promise to myself to do things that only make me happy and satisfy my soul. It’s only right I do this because of the purpose of this blog and because of my well-being. I have recently been letting people bring me down and for a reason which the universe has not yet revealed to me, I have forgotten to put myself first and let go of the people who disrupt my sense of peace.
I have been trying dating for a bit and I recently met this guy who (I thought) was a good guy. In the beginning, he was very charming, and open, seemed interested in me and was very funny (which I love), but as we went from online messaging to text-messaging, I realized he was extremely guarded, questioned my curiosity and just seemed to come off a bit angry.
Now, for those that know me; they know how extremely curious I can be, and open, and very sweet. These are qualities I love about myself and would never hide them; this person found me way too curious (he said) and too sensitive; but I mean…..give me a break, who wouldn’t want someone to show them some interest and let them know how they really felt? (Me! That’s who).
I spoke to some friends about it and they confessed to me that sometimes I can come off a bit too much, so I decided to back down a bit and let the situation unfold as it would, but I felt extremely uneasy, the situation became very unclear to me, I was afraid of what to ask for his sake, I felt like I was hiding myself for him to stick around, like I was changing who I am for somebody who wasn’t doing anything for me or my happiness, I felt wrong and I felt off-balance.
My body showed it as well, I felt tense, I had headaches, my jaw and my throat began to hurt because I have been holding it for way too long without realizing it. I needed to relax, I knew that; but I was so confused and in my head about the situation that I felt overwhelmed with the need of having to ask but being afraid of asking for his sake.
I had a realization, since when do I change myself for somebody else? when did it began? specially changing me and letting it get me unhappy? (even now, just thinking about it, is stressing me out.)
I realized this entire situation was just making me unhappy, it was stressing me out, and I didn’t want that. I realize I want someone who knows what they want and goes for it and this boy, just wasn’t there yet. It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a bad guy and has really bad intentions, I don’t know. It just means that my mentality is different from his and we just don’t think the same, I’m at a different place in my head and I realize I want someone who thinks a little bit like me.
I have decided to let him go, and let him be who he wants to be with someone else that will allow him that; I can’t allow to change who I am to make somebody else comfortable and live with being uncomfortable; that’s doing a disservice to myself, my self-love promise, and my happiness is being taken from me. I love people who are open, who give to receive; this person was just a receiver in his terms and that doesn’t fly with me, and it shouldn’t fly with anybody, especially if it makes you unhappy.
“Life is better when you do the things that make you happy regardless of what other people think. It’s your life, not theirs.” Sonya Parker.