From the moment we are born we are judged. Beginning with the word, “perfect.” To later, as we get older, changing to negative words, “you’re annoying,” or “you’re not good enough because…”, specially when it comes from a controlling parent, everything we do has to look good in the eyes of everyone else so that our parents brag about how good we are. The moment we start gaining conscious thinking, it literally becomes about looking great in the eyes of someone else, and when we’re not able to meet what they want, we begin to believe there is something wrong with us.
when I was reading “present over perfect” I found a quote that really resonated with me, which inspired me to write this blog post and I kept the quote for this specific reason: Outward approval changes on a dime.
woah…. I had a realization when I read the quote: Outward approval changes on a dime.
People will always have an opinion about you. Meeting someone else’s needs other than your own is like reaching society’s expectations of their meaning of perfection. Each individual is different and has their own different meaning of perfect. We’d be running a marathon to an unreachable finish-line.
do you know what I mean?
we start people pleasing believing that will satisfy us until, eventually we start to realize we aren’t pleasing ourselves and become extremely unhappy with who we are. Why is that? Why is it that we become so involved and worried about someone else’s opinion of us? we come to us, we wake up with us, alone (if we’re not married). Why is it that, even when we’re alone in our own home, we have to worry about someone who probably cares less about who we are? what about us, our needs to satisfy? where did that go?
I want to start living for myself, create the life that makes me happy, no matter who is around me to see that. even when I am worried and I feel alone or anxious about my future. I make sure I am doing things I want to do in the moment; because I am aware this life is mine, it was given to me to control, not other people. It’s amazing how we spend our days constantly judging other people without looking at ourselves first.
I’ve had conversations with strangers where people justify being like everyone else as a good thing, and doing things that everyone else enjoy doing is good. but I found myself being judged for not being like everyone else and I couldn’t handle that, I still can’t; I like to build relationships where I am accepted for not being like everyone else, I appreciate people who respect my difference and are aware that not everyone they meet will be like them. people want to build their little circle and close themselves off to a world of a lot of individuality and difference. they’re so use to one single way of living and their environment that it becomes wrong to find something outside of their comfort zone; it becomes “weird”.
It’s scary and tough to be different in a place where people love certainty. I struggle with this everyday. sometimes I wished I was like everyone else, that I didn’t like different things and had the same mentality as the people around me, at least I know I’d be surrounded by “friends” and “family” that actually liked me because I was like them, and I thought like them; but I’m not and embracing that part of me is easier; accepting that part of me is better.
It’s better because I’m not lying to myself, I’m not pretending to be someone I am not. I am working everyday toward becoming closer to my happy-self than to denying my joy to satisfy someone else’s needs. It’s liberating and a lot more satisfying; I come home to my happy self instead of feeling drained and worried if I did something good enough for someone else.