About a year ago, I was in a two-year relationship. My first ever relationship, ever.. It was amazing, I was so in love, I wanted to marry this man, have beautiful babies and grow old with this person. All I ever thought about was with person, nothing mattered, not even me. When I began to feel red-signs about this relationship, I ignored them because I knew this person was the love of my life and nothing mattered but making him happy, not even myself.
When I started to read self-help books and began getting involved with women empowering books, I began to realized that I have never put myself first, I’ve never thought about what I wanted, I never even considered things that made me happy. It was only acting and my boyfriend that was on my mind, nothing else.
When I began to try to take care of myself, I saw even more red-signs, I began to feel unhappy, stuck and had a little-bit of fear in the back of my mind. but I ignored it because I was still in love, I wanted to work it out because I saw myself growing old with this person, I saw him as the father of my future babies, I believed he was my soul-mate, my better half, my world.
It got so bad, eventually we had to break up and my world crumbled, I was terrified of ending up alone, and was anxious because I didn’t have the person that promised me would take care of me, I was a mess.
Now, a year later: It was one of the best decisions I could have done, for myself.
At the time, it felt like one of the hardest things I’ve ever endured, but I got through it with a list of things that have built a lot of my habits:
- Keeping a journal: When I began writing what I was feeling, I felt like I was venting to the universe, I wasn’t bottling up my emotions, pretending that everything was fine while deep down I was drowning. I began with being honest with myself, and although it was very difficult to talk about to someone else, It was more comfortable to write it in my private time and let it out on a piece of paper. Every time I did this, I always felt more a peace and lighter on my shoulders.
- New Hobby: I began to blog after my breakup, I was so furious about the ending of my relationship that I promised I wouldn’t drown myself in my sorrow. I began to make it a priority of taking care of myself that it inspired me to write about loving yourself and help people through my own journey, I found it difficult to socialize and express myself because a lot of people don’t think the way I do, so instead of going back and forth with someone who isn’t open-minded, I decided to find my own community with bloggers like me.
- Alone Walks: I love nature, I am a huge fan of the wilderness, and I’d love to have a house near a lake and go on vacations. I live near a huge park where you can actually have a pretty decent walk, so I began to do that, not only walking, but running as well. I began to disconnect from music and stopped using my headphones and started listening more to the birds and the leaves and the trees when the breeze hit them and it really centered me and calmed my thinking.
- Reading: I think I have been reading so much I haven’t kept track of how many books I’ve read by I can certainly say my mind has grown so much! I read somewhere that millionaires read about 60 books a year and I began my reading challenge this year of reading 60 books! I love training my brain and expanding my thinking, I am building who I am with the knowledge I gain though books.
- Pampering myself: I have bought myself dinner, had a girls night in, taken baths, watched chick-flicks. I’ve had so much fun with myself. Some people find it crazy, but sometimes I like to talk to myself, because that how I’ve become my own best friend, specially when I’m watching a movie.
- Fitness: I started working out every day as a way to keep myself busy, I used to spend so much time with the person I was with, that taking care of myself wasn’t even something I thought about. I began going to the gym as a way to feel good about myself (getting some endorphins up in here!) and then I decided to take cross-fitness classes with a group of people, and even though I’ve just begun, I am building more friends here, while feeling good about it.
- Meditation: I begun mediating during school to center myself but I decided to take it a into my sleep time, and I have had a better time falling asleep and staying asleep. I go on YouTube and search “30 minute guided meditation for sleep” and make sure they have slow music as well. It certainly helps me clear my mind before passing out and I wake up with an empty mind most of the time, which is great.
- Involving myself more in work: Distracting yourself with something you love is very helpful. I love acting A LOT and I decided to really get into it during the time of my breakup, I was so involved that, sometimes I found myself not even thinking about my ex, It was wonderful.
- building new friendships: When I was dating, I was so in love and into this person, I felt I didn’t need to have friends or talk to anybody because I knew I had this person to rely on. It was actually very difficult for me to socialize, and I also didn’t care. but once I began to be independent, I found myself ALONE, it was terrible. I began to build friendships, talk to people, become more personable. Honestly, I don’t even know why I avoided people in the first place. I realized I need to find my group of people even if I am in love with someone, sometimes too much time together could be a little suffocating, which was something I felt a lot.
- giving myself time for me, without including someone else in the mix: This is how I really got to know myself. Even though I was really lonely in the beginning of my new-found independence, I had chosen to do activities that satisfied my soul and made me happy.
In retrospect, I believe this has been the best break-up I’ve ever had to deal with. I fell in love with myself, my individuality. I’ve become a much stronger person, I feel I have become wiser and I can hold my own. Although sometimes I have difficulty making my own decisions, now, I always keep in mind on doing the things that make me happy.
If you’re dealing with a break-up and you don’t know what to do, start with the choice of making yourself happy and start thinking of yourself rather than feeling like your world is crumbling down.
It’s hard in the beginning, but it get’s better.