I’m starting to believe that everything you’re going through is all in the mind. Sometimes we make what we’re going through bigger than it really is, and we get hurt, and lash out and start problems and blame other people and get angry for the smallest thing.
At one of the restaurant I work in, to support myself, a guest started talking to me, after she finished her dinner, she got up and decided to have a conversation with me. She was foreign and it was a bit hard to understand her, I think it’s because English is my second language. Anyway, she moved here to America because of a condition she has that causes her joints to lock, and makes it hard for her to move around, it gives her severe migraines and isn’t able to enjoy life as someone without pain, because she constantly needs to take pain medication to manage her migraine, and is currently taking a lot of physical therapy.
I tried encouraging her to not let what she is going through define who she is and interrupt her from living her life. She agreed but kept insisting that it’s hard to live that way when she’s in pain.
I confessed to her that I have back problems because of a car accident and that I am currently, and always have been in constant back pain due to a car accident. It’s been five years since the incident and choosing to live a life without medication has been a lot more worth it than allowing the pain to take over who I am and influence my life choices. In the beginning of my pain, I had physical therapy, and I had pain management appointments, during that time, because I didn’t understand, I was very depressed because I thought this was the end of my life. In the beginning, I thought my pain was extreme, I would have pain medication, and it would get me very light in the head, but the pain would still be there. I would go back to the doctor and explain to him that they weren’t working, he would give me a high dose of another, yet stronger, medicine. It’d be the same cycle over and over, and I was tired of being tired, of not being present, I was over being the victim and so I decided to end the medication, the therapy, I was done.
It was worth it, sometimes I don’t even feel my pain, and I am able to live my life as if that car accident never happened. I understand her situation is completely different from mine, it could be a lot more severe than my situation, but I believe sometimes we like to be the victim of our story sometimes, and I’ve realized that we have to become our own knight in shining armor or else (sometimes) we’ll be waiting forever for that prince that might never come.