I’m terrified of this decision, I decided to go back to school, and earn my bachelors, and for some reason I don’t understand why, the thought of going is so scary to me. The thought just randomly came up in my head, and I applied to a couple of schools for the hell of it ( I didn’t really made it a big deal) and now my first choice accepted me, I was surprised, but the first thing that built up was a fear in my chest. This is what’s going through my head: I want to be an actress, become a film actress and walk down the red carpet, but my fear with going back to school is that I won’t have time to pursue my dreams fully.
I don’t understand why this is happening so I’ve decided to write about it.
I value education 100% and I believe it’s the first step to pursuing the dreams you want to live, educating yourself in your passion. I’ve always wanted to educate myself in whatever I was interested in, Recently I’ve had it in my head that I wanted to study psychology for my writing purposes, and understanding more how the brain works is also great for my acting skills as well.
But i’m having a difficult time understanding why is it that I have this wall up in my chest? I can feel something holding me back. It feels as though if I go ahead and study psychology, I’d lose my artistic title, and I don’t want to ever let go of the thing that made me who I am, of who I have become.
I have known I wanted to become an actress professionally since I was sixteen, I studied the acting technique I wanted to, I graduated and signed with a wonderful manager, I have struggled and have become a strong human being because of acting, I have matured and have found myself because of acting, I had stayed out of trouble and have continued to grow because of acting. Acting has been my defining word, my life, both my sadness and happiness and I was never interested in something else or have done anything else until now and it’s scary, as if I am going away from who I am.
for me, It’s not about the diploma itself, it’s about learning, growing into the person I want to become, there are many successful people that value education as a way to get to success and I am one of those people. The other day I was listening to a motivational podcast and this is what I heard:
I feel like deep within me, I know what I have to do for my best interest, for my future.
Time will only tell.