Two words: A Necessity.
Sometimes I can get a little bit too anxious and stressed out, and though I’m a work in progress to the path of living a positive life, sometimes my negative thinking gets the best of me. I worry a lot about little things, if you compare it with bigger problems, things that don’t really matter after a days passed. I get anxious and impatient about my acting career, people, dating, a job that I have just to pay the bills while I succeed as an actress, to sum it all up: my life in general can feel a tiny bit all over the place…or so it looks that way in my head.
This past month though, I’ll admit that I have been living in my brain, in doubt and anxiety, after working so hard for inner peace, it seemed like everything has been crumbling down and hell broke loose (inside). I haven’t been able to meditate, I have been waking up grumpy, I have been self-conscious and I have been talking down on myself, not in a “you really suck” kind of negative self-talk, but in a “no one will ever love you” type of self-talk. I haven been annoyed by people, and I have been hitting the snooze button more than twice. Yike!
It’s been really stressful for me, and I don’t mean to be a negative Nancy, but I am writing about this to not only liberate myself, but also to show you that not everyone’s life is “crazy amazing/ I’m traveling the world while blogging about it and getting paid for it”
Hell! I’m not even close to traveling the world.
But this is okay, being vulnerable is okay, being open and admitting that things aren’t so great is okay, sometimes the wall we constantly have put up can come down, it’s healthy to bring it down, liberating, you’re letting those negative feelings you’ve held inside, out. I love having my wall down, and admitting that I’m not okay because that’s when things start to get better.
On Saturday Night, I decided to disconnect, I chose to just pamper myself and meditate, focus on “me” time and show “me” some loving. I got myself a fifty minute deep tissue massage, and got myself some products to take a bubbly bath, after I finished my amazing massage, which left me feeling light, and present, and clear-headed (obviously a much needed massage).
I went home and got my bathtub ready for a hot bath (very hot bath btw) and took my headphones and my phone and started listening to “letting go” titled meditation videos on Youtube. I was so light and my brain was so quiet, I was at peace with myself, my surroundings, really my life, I was at peace with everything, I wasn’t angry, honestly, I wasn’t anything at all, at that exact moment, I was just being, breating, experiencing.
Before my bath experience, I got my room ready and set for bed. I’m really big on sleep, so I set my room to sleep time before I just flop and pass out on my bed, I have been doing this habit for about two years, non-stop, every day, Honestly, I don’t think I’ll be able to pass out without my ritual. This is what I like to do: I have a humidifier, and I like to sleep with my room smelling very earthy, I love nature, the smell of it centers my soul and grounds me. I also have a night lamp that when turned on, projects the ocean as if we’re looking from under water to the top, and I use the red light, More on why red later.
I try to block out any lighting that might disrupt me, the clock, the air conditioner, a watch, the light coming through the door, I block everything, no outside lighting is allowed in my room, it’s a blog post alone if I simply talk about it, so I will get back to it later. I put on the ocean sounds, and also I have this little machine that can block out outside noise, I put both of these on.
My friend recently got me a Himalayan salt lamp that changes the aura of the room, honestly since I’ve gotten this lamp, I’ve been able to stay longer asleep. she mentioned it was suppose to relax me, and this gift has been a life saver for staying asleep. I woke up one day, wanting to go back to bed, I just turned it on and I was able to pass out immediately afterward!
This is my entire bed process, and honestly I’m glad I have one, I always have a good nights rest.
After my relaxing bath, I got to bed and started writing, usually I write about my day, or my life, or whatever is going on in my brain, but this particular night, I chose to write about surrendering my soul to the universe, I chose to give up control and let the universe take charge on what’s best for my life, specifically the things I can’t control. Afterwards, I was able to sleep like a baby, this night got me back to my usual happy self, and I felt fully rested by the morning.
I was so happy that I got to pick this night for myself,I found myself in much need of it. Taking the time to pausing the outside world and slowing your thought is a necessity we all need to do, man or woman, to find our inner peace. I’ve realized the world isn’t going to slow down for us, we’ll always be needing to catch up to it. It’s really up to me to decide wether I need to take care of my own needs and go at my suitable pace rather than completely disregarding myself to outward things that don’t really matter.
How do you pamper yourself? How do you show yourself that you actually matter and deserve to be where you are? We’re so used to depending on other people to let us know that we belong that we forget we also have an opinion as well and disregard it as something unimportant when it comes to how we view ourselves because that’s just something “we don’t do”.
If you don’t show yourself how much you deserve the world, who will do it for you? Outside opinions change on a dime, remember that.
I matter, just as much as you do.