Sometimes I feel like we forget that each and everyone of us is uniquely different.
From a young age, we start to believe that being like everyone else is actually a good thing, in high school we lied about things just so the other, much cooler kids would like us, we do what our friends tell us and let peer pressure get the best of us, we hate our parents for not letting us do things the other cool kids do; we just want to be liked and loved and praised, so we do these things, we forget about who we are, and let someone else run the show, because we want to badly to be recognized by someone that made up in our heads are awesome… because everyone else in your circle seems to think so.
People think that because you’re different, or don’t like what everyone else does: you’re immediately uncool, people don’t like you, you’re the weird one (and god forbid your weird, that’s the worst thing that could happen…in high school.) especially in High School, everyone wants you to be like everyone else so bad, you just want to fit in, blend with the crowd, not have people around you say negative things about you, you want to be like everyone else, and you will absolutely do anything that’s possible for it.
The thing for me was that I felt so wrong to be different, I hated myself for not being like everyone else, I wanted so much to be “normal” I wanted to be liked and have similar interest with cooler friends, prettier friends, I just wanted sameness because it made me feel like I belonged in the world, I lied, I gossiped, I did things, just so people could like me. It was never about me, it was always about them, I wanted to make them happy, because I didn’t matter, specially if I wanted to be liked by this person, I apologized for my difference and hid it very well (or at least tried to), I didn’t know who I was, I just knew that I was able to read people well enough to change for them, so that they could, eventually, like me, or not.
Gosh, and when the person didn’t like me? I was frustrated, I didn’t understand why they didn’t like me! I was nice, I tried making them happy! It was just insane that they didn’t like me! thoughts like, “what is wrong with me?” popped in my head, as if I was at fault for their preference, it was so sad! I really hated myself, harshly through my teen years.
so now, at 22, I make it my priority to not let anyone hurt me, I take care of myself, my happiness, my gentle soul and make it my priority to surround myself with people, that make me happy, and accept me for who I am, they still call me weird sometimes, but I’ve gotten comfortable enough with them, that being weird sounds cute to me, they say, “you’re weird,” I say, “I know,” and we laugh about it, because I know at the end of the day, they will still want to hang out with me, because I’m awesome.
Nobody will make a commitment to make you happy, and if you go out of your way to make someone else happy, just know that they will always be unsatisfied. there is always something to work on and you will always end up falling short when it comes to meeting someone else’s expectations, they will expect perfection from you, and you will forget who you are trying to reach something that’s unreachable. you have to be aware that you’re beautifully imperfect and that’s okay, because the world will send you the people that are meant to be good for you when you’re ready to let go and allow for something better to come into your life.
I have a lot of similarities with one of my dearest friend, we’re both lefties, actresses (honestly I think that’s it.) Oh! and we have a deep affection for good food. She finds me the weirdest but still likes to hang out with me, she tells me the truth, without sounding like there is something wrong about me. When we don’t agree on something, we accept that I like certain things my way, and she likes it her way, and that’s totally fine, we agree to disagree.
it’s honestly one of my healthiest relationships, I’d be okay to one this one than a bunch of friendships that don’t make me feel happy.
I’m an actress in pursuit of happiness and finding my truth. Through my writing I am able to release my thinking without being judged or having the need to impress people in this crazy world we’re living in. I hope that through my experience I inspire you to find your truth and version of happiness.