When I was very young, Even to this day: I always stood out. Always. No matter how hard I tried to fit in, there was always something I did, that didn’t fit in with the crowd.
1. I am a lefty and before I went to acting school, I felt like the only lefty in the whole world, everyone around me was a righty, it was impossible to sit in class without someone having something to say, “you’re weird” (a reason why I find the word weird not to be so great, working towards letting it go). This immediately made me the outcast.
2. When I found another lefty buddy (ya’ll my homies no matter what), I was like, “oh heeeeeeey new bestie 🙆🏻♀️”, (in my head of course because how can I possibly throw my new-found puppy love into someone who is forced to fit it 🤦🏻♀️); we would immediately bond (but really just Hi & Bye) because we know we’re rare (except for my now dearest friend, who is a lefty but hated me in the beginning of our friendship for inexplicable reasons 🤷🏻♀️). Feeling less alone was an awesome feeling! I felt relatable! I had some one I could talk to about our loneliness, it was awesome until oh wait, “you write upside down? I’ve never seen anything like it! You’re weeeeeeird.”
Wonder-ful (just like that, wonder [pause] ful)
I’ve always disliked being called weird, I’ve disliked being the outcast, I always wanted to fit in and be like everyone else, I wanted to have a lot of friends and hang out with my family without feeling like I’m pretending to be someone else, I’ve always had to do myself a disservice because god forbid I become the center of attention for my differences in a room full of sameness.
Yes. growing up was double very tough, it still really is sometimes; Because I didn’t know so much about mindfulness back then, I would let it get the best of me: depression, self-hatred, not eating (because I wanted to be skinny so bad), suicidal thoughts were very comforting is all I will sum it up to.
I know during the teen years, individuality can seem like the worst of everything, and I honestly don’t know anything else to say about it but to hold on teen soldier!
It was difficult, but when I decided to let go of being someone else and become who I am, I feel like the Universe started working for me. After I gave up the idea of pleasing people and started pleasing myself, my world shifted a little bit, for the better, I found people who accepted me for who I was, even if I was weird, they found me uniquely special, and I loved being accepted, I wasn’t forced to do anything I didn’t want to do, in fact, people respected me for it.
I was fascinated with the idea to agree TO disagree, which is perfectly acceptable and actually highly recommended for good relationships. Anyway, letting go of people who don’t even serve you is when the universe will say, “you’re learning now.” And will start working for you instead of you working for it. It can become difficult at first, the fear of being alone can really get the best of us and make us feel like we don’t really matter in the universe.
But, to be honest with you, when I started working towards finding who I am as an individual, that’s where I found more of my true sense of belonging, and the beginning for better friendly relationships. It’s a lot more work forcing yourself into becoming someone you are not to fit into a group of people than to please yourself and let the things come as they may.
Honestly, who would you rather be?
I’m an actress in pursuit of happiness and finding my truth. Through my writing I am able to release my thinking without being judged or having the need to impress people in this crazy world we’re living in. I hope that through my experience I inspire you to find your truth and version of happiness.