My confession with Anxiety.

Sometimes my chest feels very dark.
I am sitting on my bed, doing absolutely nothing, but it doesn’t feel like that.
I am sitting in my bed, and while on the outside, it seems like I am just sitting & breathing, on the inside, there is a hurricane that the weather man has yet to name.
I am sitting, and on the outside, there is tranquility, but on the inside, hell is breaking lose.
my thoughts are rushing everywhere, As I think about my past, my present and my future,
I don’t know where I am going.
I am in a safe place, and yet I feel like I still don’t belong.
All my brain does is rush, everywhere.
And I get the feeling that any direction is possible.
Anything can happen.
Yet I don’t know where to go.
It’s hard to breath
I feel a dark cloud in my head.
And I feel terrified.
In a world where that should be liberating, I am terrified that anything is in fact possible.
No one is bullying me, no one is stopping me to do what I felt like I was always meant to do.
And yet, I am scared.
Why?
My shoulders feel heavier.
I feel like crying.
I don’t feel in control.
This, for me, is my anxiety, I don’t get like this all the time, just some times.
I realized the more I do, the less I think.
And from experience? Thinking is the killer of living.
So I keep doing.

xoxo,

S.