Uncategorized

F.E.A.R.

How often do we feel this negative energy inside of us? 
I dont know about you, but I will admit, I feel it A LOT.
I am feeling it right. This. Second.
I feel the only word to describe what fear is for me is the word: Paralyze. To me fear feels paralyzing and it’s scary to feel that. Is  that even a thing? Scared of feeling fearful?whatever LOL.
Getting personal.. Here.We.Go:
I was dumped by someone I thought I was going to marry, have children with, and grow old with. I was certain this person was my soulmate, I was told that by not one, but two psychics (Yes, I’m into that stuff!!)  There was absolutely no doubts, nothing. It was perfect, really, it was.
or so I thought.
The moment I realized it was done, for good, I didnt feel that feeling of “My world is crashing down.” I didn’t feel a horrific heart break.  It wasn’t anything that would make me collapse-in-a-tragic-way, kind of feeling. I was terrified, to my very being. Never, ever have I ever felt that feeling in my entire body, not even with any other loser guy I tried dating. 
Now that I think about it, this feeling reminds me of the times when you feel you’re in danger, not the feeling of when you’re in a roller coaster, but as if you are about to fall from a cliff and you literally think you’re about to die. The only difference is that I wasn’t dying, physically. I was and am safe, but that was the feeling I had afterwards, and the thoughts that followed were along the lines of, “Who will it be now? What about the kids we planned on having? What about the entire future we had planned together.” 
Down the toilet.
I wasn’t certain anymore. I didn’t know what was coming next, any kind of certainty I had was gone, anything that made me feel safe was gone.
I became uncertain, of my future, of my being, of literally everything I knew. 
I am uncertain!
I’ve realized that is what’s bringing me fear, because now I don’t know, and I believe to a certain extent, a lot of us are in the same position. Especially those that don’t know what they want to do in their life. To get even more specific, I am really talking about those that are choosing something not everyone is doing.
I believe this feeling comes from a place of self doubt, of being judged and critiqued.
The minute I started feeling like that, I realized I could choose where this could lead me. I could cry my eyeballs out and not do anything anymore or not let it stop me: I chose not to let it stop me, or end my whole being. I realized my happiness and my certainty was dependent only on me. I didn’t want to rely on anyone for my happiness.
And neither should you.
Like I mentioned in my earlier post, the brain is designed to protect you and make you comfortable. 
The only way I was able to feel certain again and happy was by diving full speed into what made me happy, what still makes me happy and I recommend you do the same thing. It’s seriously the best way to move on and be happy.
Someone dumped you and now you don’t know what to do with yourself? Go on a trip, try new activities, dive into whatever makes you happy (like me) without this person and involve yourself in activities that take your mind away from this person.  I believe this will make you a better you. 
Not only that, but do the things that scare you, they might even be the only thing that make you truly happy.
Don’t become someone you’re not because of fear.
You only have this life to live.
Jim Carry said, “You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.”
xoxo,
S.
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s